Monday, August 29, 2011

For Whom the Bell Tolls...Motherfucker.

Today's beard is all about literature.  And being awesome.  And drunk.  Yup, it's Ernest Hemingway

(Everyone seeing this picture has just been impregnated)
Hemingway rocked the shit,that's the only way to say it. He drank so much, his liver was harder than diamonds.  He also penned some of the greatest novels of the 20th century.  And the famous, most depressing short story ever:  "Baby shoes, for sale.  never worn".  Jesus, no wonder he ate a shotgun to finish himself off.  Only bad-ass way to finish off a bad-ass.

Monday, August 22, 2011

Survival of the Beardiest

Time for another reference to a man as smart as he was bearded.  As you may have guessed from the title (or maybe not, if you're stupid), I'm referring to none other than Charles Darwin.

(His beard out-thinks all modern scientists)

Darwin was a man amongst men.  He undoubtedly discovered some of the things you had to learn about in school (Origin of species, survival of the fittest, etc).   Motherfucker has over 120 species named after him.  I'm not even sure I could name 120 species.  Touche', Darwin.

I'm Ron F*cking Swanson.

(The caption really says it all)
We here at TBO are big fans of TV.  Sadly, I can't watch as much of it as I'd like to because of prior obligations (think twice about law school, kids).  However, one thing I will always make time for is Parks and Recreation.  Most especially, the character posted above, Ron Swanson.  Included is the link to a supercut of Ron's best food-related comments and moments.  And I'll leave you with this quote:

"This hotel always serves bacon-wrapped shrimp.  It's my number one favorite food wrapped around my number three favorite food.  I'd go to a banquet in honor of those Somali pirates if they served bacon-wrapped shrimp"

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Not Just Beards

We here at The Bearded Ones (TBO) embrace all sorts of amazing facial hair.  While I do not agree with pedo-staches, or neckbeards or whatever the hell Sidney Crosby grows on his stupid face, I do agree with handlebar mustaches.  And none were greater than this man:

(Pictured:  Greatness)

For those of you who are uneducated, uncultured sloths that man is Rollie Fingers.  He grew his mustache to win a $300 dollar bonus from the Oakland Athletics owner, and it has become an icon since.  Encouraging such events as 'Mustache Day' at their home stadium, this man was a trailblazer for the players today.  While without beard, this man still stands head, shoulders, and handlebar mustache ahead of others.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Fear the Beard

Look at that fucking beard.  I just peed a little.  This man is a big inspiration for this blog.  He is bringing it back into the mainstream something fierce.  I am a dedicated Phillies fan, but my man-crush isn't on Chase's Brian Wilson.

Historic Beards: Emancipation Edition

Of course this is going to be the first 'Historic Beard' posted.  It's the Wayne Gretzky of beards.  This man fights vampires, chops firewood, frees slaves, and rocks a beard.  Oh, and got assassinated for all his good deeds.  Not to mention the epic story of how it got started

We Are the Chosen...

This is a blog all about beards, and how awesome they are.  Webster defines a beard as " The hair on a man's chin, cheeks, and throat".  Also, the verb form is "To confront boldly".  Awesome.  Urban Dictionary defines a beard as "Any opposite sex escort taken to an event in an effort to give a homosexual person the appearance of being out on a date with someone of the opposite sex".  These are not the droids we're looking for.

If I was walking down the street and saw two unicorns fucking next to a guy with a sweet beard, I'm looking at the beard (besides, everyone knows unicorns don't fuck.  They make love).  That's how much I love beards. 

We here at The Bearded Ones will have actual interviews with bearded people, plus other noteworthy non-beard related jive.  Posts will come when I'm good and ready, damn it.  And yes, I am fully authorized to write about beards, seeing how it is I own one myself.

I will leave you with our unofficial anthem here at The Bearded Ones...

(Youtube sucks at embedding video, so here's the 'If your dad doesn't have a beard, you've got two moms' video)